My biggest concern is the ability of any writing, let alone academic writing to have any kind of effect on the real world. I know, moving minds and all that crap, but how much of the torrents of (laserjet) ink are spilled daily which effect, and will effect absolutely nothing.

All they do is stick an "I am a writer" sticker on the person credited with it. He gets to wear crazy-looking glasses (red and round if he's really well off), talk to unsahven people about things that unshaven people talk about and that's that. He doesn't care if there's an effect or not, since the one effect he IS looking for, getting attention and feeling better than people who don't get that attention, is already in the bag.

So, what the hell am I supposed to do?

Some have said (by the way, "some" would be my therapist) that all that really matters are concrete achievable goals, which can push me onwards and upwards in the very real realities of academia. Once I figure out a way to reach the top, "some" say, or at least further up, then I can decide if and where do I want to wield my mighty influence.

This sounds right, and for the purposes of my mental stability (and for the sake of my therapist feeling good about the crap she tells me) I'll go ahead and do that.

It doesn't stop it feeling like a lie, though.

Whatever.

Here's a tune for this angry time: